Twenty-five seconds into this video, Donald Trump commits political suicide. If you scroll through the annals of this very website, you'll see that I've been on the fence about the President of the United States since he was sworn in. The guy is a humongous dope, but up until he waltzed into Texas the other day, I hadn't been tipped over the edge.
In case you've been under a rock, you'll probably be aware that Texas, specifically Houston, Texas is currently under a trillion litres of water caused by one of the biggest storms in history - Hurricane Harvey. It's been downgraded to a Tropical Storm at this point, but when Trump stood on top of the fire truck in Corpus Christi, Harvey was still in full wrecking mode. Being the media savvy super-politician that he is, Mr Trump saw an opportunity to provide hope to the people - to let them know that, while times might be hard now, something better has to be on the horizon. It was an opportunity to show empathy, to show focus and to be the leader that he should've and could've been from the start... and then he congratulated himself for drawing a big fucking crowd.
Yes, folks. In a time of extreme crisis, a time where he should've been comforting the thousands of people that have had their lives turned upside down by this horrific act of god, this animal walks onto an emergency vehicle and utters the words "What a crowd! What a turn out!". What does this even mean? Is he shocked that there aren't more people displaced by this fucking disaster? Was he looking down from his private jet just before he landed, assessing the situation as "not that bad"? Is he fucking insane?
We all know that Trump is a crazy person, but the level of ham-fisted faux empathy here is absolutely staggering. This man is supposed to be leading the free world, and he wanders onto the stage wearing a USA - 45 cap, which I assume you can buy from his official merchandise store, boasting about how many people are there to watch him. His speech is flimsy, ill thought out, and stinks of narcissism. Now, that's easy for me to say from a dry flat in Manchester, England, but imagine the situation if you managed to get this video on your phone or television in Houston.
You're sitting there, your living room is akin to a fucking aquarium, all of your shit is ruined and you're sitting on your roof waiting to be rescued by one of the true heroes:
Just as they arrive on the horizon, your phone flickers to life and this orange buffoon appears on the screen. You're hopeful for a second, maybe this is the moment he redeems himself - it can't be worse than his handling of Charlottesville right? Well, you're wrong - really wrong actually. As the video comes to a close and this moon faced moron is swinging the Texan flag around like some sort of demented, elderly cheerleader, you're filled with a sense of hope. Hope that god willing, Kim Jong-Un finally nuts up and fires one of his "tactical nukes" right at Trump International Golf Course in West Palm Beach while the cretin is midway through his drive on the start of the back nine. As he follows through, he follows through (sorry about the shit joke) and saves us all from another few years of this giant moron shouting "fake news" at anyone who isn't nose deep in his flabby arse.
Yes it's wishful thinking, and yes we'd be stuck with Satan's representative on Earth Mike Pence but in all honesty, at this point, I'd take Lucifer- hell I'd take Hillary. Worst she ever did was send a few emails...
...oh and I'm not on the fence anymore. Fuck Trump.